Grateful For Gratitude
One of the first exercises I recommend to people who are looking to improve their lives is to practice gratitude. I know. It sounds so cliche. I mean, you hear this everywhere.
Write 5 things you’re grateful for in a journal before bed.
When you are upset, think of 3 things immediately that you are grateful for.
Before eating dinner, say “grace” and give thanks for all you are about to receive.
Hell, they even have a National Holiday dedicated to being thankful! Well, I’m just going to say it. Gratitude is recommended everywhere because it works! Do me a solid and read just one more article on the benefits of gratitude because I want YOU to soak in all of the benefits, too.
Is there anything more annoying than having the worst day ever (again) and having someone say, “I’m so sorry. Gosh, at least you didn’t have a blown out tire, too! At least you can be grateful for that, right?”
Yep, those comments can make the ol’ blood boil when we’re already stressed out to the max, waiting frantically for the next catastrophe to drop (self-fulfilled prophecy perhaps?), and ready to bang our heads against the wall in front of us. But, as annoying as these well intended comments are to hear, the person making them is 100% correct. They, in all their infinite wisdom, are trying to help ground us so we can take a breath, gain some perspective, and see the world for what it really is…amazing.
Ok, how does this work? If we focus on what we don’t have, our mind only sees the thing, experience, person, feeling, etc that we are missing. While doing this, our negatively distracted mind forgets about all that we already have. It also misses out on all of the possibilities that lie in front of us because we are only focusing on what is lacking. How many romantic comedies have we seen where the beautiful young chap is pining hopelessly over the “girl of his dreams” while the girl next door is sitting back patiently waiting for him to notice her. Girl next door is kind, giving of her time and attention, and respects young chap for everything he is. He doesn’t even notice her, though, because he is only focused on “girl of his dreams.” That is a Hollywood produced example, but that movie is sold over and over again because it is relatable. How about the time you didn’t get the job you were really hoping for, but a few weeks later you get hired at a place that ends up being “the best thing that ever happened to you?” Opportunity awaits where things fail or don’t come to fruition.
Gratitude has an amazing ability to shift our mindset towards the positive when we start our day out practicing gratitude. Right here, right now, I think of my husband. I am so incredibly grateful for him. He brings me coffee in bed every morning. He says I look beautiful every time I ask him how I look, even when I know I look a wreck and my hair is going every direction, but straight. He creates anything I ask him to, without complaint. I know he loves me and I don’t ever have to question it. I am immeasurably grateful for that. If I start my day intentionally visualizing (through reflection) on a few reasons I am grateful for my husband, he appears more handsome to me when I see him (I don’t know how it is possible for him to be any more handsome, but he is on these days…seriously), I find myself smiling at him for no reason throughout the rest of the day, and I can’t find a thing about him I don’t like. Besides having a wonderful husband day, I tend to see the good in everyone else, too. Traffic doesn’t bother me. The line at the grocery store seems to go quicker.
Now, on the other side of that. I have had many days prior to learning to practice gratitude where I jumped out of bed, didn’t give gratitude a thought, had every crisis imaginable happen to me before 10 am, and had the worst day ever (again). On these days ONLY, my husband has a breathing problem I feel an intense need to make a doctor’s appointment for. I want his entire nose removed. Who breathes that loudly!? He also forgets to run that errand I asked him to do. Can you believe he also looks so incredibly cranky on these days that I find myself asking “what is wrong?” numerous times throughout the day. Well, what went wrong is all within myself. I didn’t start my day with gratitude and my mindset (perception of the world) went South. I notice things my husband didn’t go, rather than what he did do. I observe things about him that aren’t perfect, rather than admiring the things about him that I adore. I get cranky because all day long I focused on the negative, which creates more negative (self-fulfilling prophecy) incidents, and I feel crabby, so I project it on to him. That is some deep psychology stuff for another blog post, but it is what we do.
Now, imagine I start my day spending the first 10 minutes with a cup of coffee (or tea or whatever makes your heart sing) reflecting on the things in my life that bring me joy, that I am grateful for. I see those things or people. I see their faces light up when they are happy. I feel the warmth of my dog’s fur, who I adore more than life itself. I look up at the warm fire and think of how grateful I am to have a warm house on a cold morning, I touch my blanket and feel how soft and cozy it is draped over me on my cozy couch. I mentally see, feel, smell, taste hear all of the things I am grateful for during the first ten minutes of my day RATHER than spending the first 10 minutes scrolling through the scary news, the negative facebook posts, the phony instagram photos! Choose how you want to view the world each morning. Do it by embracing and appreciating all that you already have, not what you wish you had and your world will change.
One more quick thought on this whole gratitude thing. Next time something goes wrong, find the meaning, opportunity, or lesson and say, “thank you.”
I got passed over for the big job promotion. “Thank you. Something else is coming my way that I need to be prepared for. I am grateful to have a job.”
My dog died. (I can hardly think this thought because it brings so much sadness) “Thank you for the great years we had together and all of the love you gave me. You were my greatest adventure partner and best friend. My life was better while we were together,”
My child left the damn house a disaster again. I’m so sick of cleaning up after him/her. “Honey, I need to come clean up your mess as I asked,” *To the Universe or yourself, “Thank you for the blessing of having a child. I know some people never get the blessing of bringing a child into the world. Thank you for having a house and food and furniture to be able to make a mess. Some people are homeless and without food tonight.”
I don’t have nice things and can’t afford to take my family on vacations and weekend outings. We struggle constantly. “Thank you for the strength and resiliency I have learned over the years. I am a role model to my children for what perseverance and hope look like. Thank you for my children and their health. Thank you for the motivation to create a better life for myself…one day at a time.”
I could go on and on, but another great reminder that we all should do each and every time we find ourselves complaining and wishing we had more is to remember there are others out there who have less than we do. We might have a car that is broken down, but our child isn’t dying in the hospital right now. We might still be living in that crappy 1 bedroom apartment, but others are sleeping under bridges with a used sleeping bag and two different boots that don’t fit. We might have broken our leg and can’t ski the rest of the season, but someone else had to have both legs amputated. Your mother may have just passed away, but you were lucky enough to have a mother you loved and adored and learned from while she was here. Some never had that relationship at all. Again….there is always something to be grateful for, even during our darkest hours.
I practice gratitude because it feels good. When I feel good, I am more content and peaceful. When I am more peaceful and joyous, those around me are more peaceful and happy. It is addictive. When I feel good after showing gratitude, I want that feeling more often. What a terrible addiction to have! There are days I forget to practice gratitude and those are usually my worst days. It is never too late in the day, or in life, to reel yourself in and begin again. This time with more gratitude. No matter what the circumstances are in your life, you have something to be grateful for. I am most grateful for my struggles in life because I have grown into an extremely independent, strong, resilient, and courageous human being. I wouldn’t trade my hardships for all the luxury living in the world. Find meaning in your pain. Be grateful. Find happiness.
