The Gap Year
Dude, you haven’t done a podcast episode or blog article in forever! What did you clock out or something? Yep, I sure did. I intended to take the summer off and start again with Season 2, but I’m later into the year than I planned. So, I’m back and I apologize to my mom and best friend, Jackie, who are currently my only two readers at this moment.
So, where have I been, you ask? Well, I’ve been busy closing my brokerage (that takes a lot more time and effort than I anticipated) so I no longer have people I am accountable for. I have been in Arizona multiple times getting a house we bought ready to be used as an Airbnb. It is adorable. Check it out here: Cottonwood Airbnb Brandon and I got 2 other houses remodeled and ready for tenants. I have also been to the Redwood forests and beaches of California and Oregon with my family. This was fulfillment of a promise I made to Scout (my oldest beagle, if you don’t know me yet) to take him to see the beach. I went to Nepal for a few weeks. I took a ton of trips to the mountains with my husband and dogs on foot and bike. I spent some quality time with family at our annual family reunion. We hosted our siblings and kids on Brandon’s side of the family for Independence Day and for a Memorial Service for Brandon’s dad, Charlie. I went to almost every city in Montana multiple times while following my high school daughter and her softball team around. I painted the inside of my house fun and bright colors. I learned to make salsa and throw pottery. I rekindled my relationship with my 21 year old daughter. I fell in love with cooking again! We rediscovered parts of Montana like Lewis & Clark Caverns and Lolo Hot springs. Gosh, I read a lot of books (30+ over the summer and into fall). I planted a garden, after my wonderful husband and daughters built raised garden beds for me. I learned to fly. I started lessons, but decided I had enough and moved onto something else (it’s ok. I learned this life lesson the past year, too). I took a variety of clinics to learn breath work, yoga, and other eastern healing philosophies. I went down the road to college and registered for a few semesters of Graduate school to decide if I want to make a career change, or just learn some cool things. I made some amazing memories and took a lot of much needed down time to get centered, relax my nervous system, and rediscover joys I let fall to the wayside over the years, while I built my businesses. Zero regrets. What does joy look like? See below.
Where have I not been the past 6 months or so? I have not been on social media. I was a regular on Facebook and after getting out of real estate, decided I didn’t have to be there anymore. It was challenging at first, but now I can’t imagine going back to it! I have also not been to work. That has been difficult, but necessary for me. I am still struggling with it, if I’m being honest. I have to reprogram my brain to stop measuring my worth based on how well I’m doing in my career, or how much money I am producing for my family. I am dabbling with a million different things right now in an attempt to restructure how I view accomplishment and self worth. What a trip.
Looking back over my calendar, I realized it will have been a year, next month, that I made the decision to begin stepping away from real estate; to give up my entire identity as I knew it, and rebuild my whole life on a foundation of joy, personal values, and authenticity. This Gap Year, as the young kids are calling it these days, has proven to be just what I needed to get my mind wrapped around the idea that I can literally do anything I want with my life. Yes, I tell my own kids that all of the time, but it didn’t apply to me. I had too many responsibilities, too many people I was accountable for, not enough time or money, and all of the other reasons that held me back. It took me an entire year of struggling, but I have finally given myself permission to go forth and conquer and rebuild my life into exactly what I want it to look like.
Will my new life be living in a house with 75 beagles? No, because I am still married and want to respect my husband’s wants and needs, too. So there are some limitations, of course. I also still have a high schooler living at home who needs me from time to time, but otherwise, I have an open road ahead of me where I am finally giving myself permission to make choices based on what I want. That seems like it would be a no-brainer and require no dramatic light bulb moment on my part, but I assure you, it was not easy or evident. Seriously, try it. Try completely flipping your life upside down by choice, and then rebuild it without any of the limiting beliefs you previously packed around with you over the course of your entire life.
“People like me don’t get Masters or PhDs”
“I’m not good enough to write professionally.”
“I can’t just be a podcaster and write all day. I have to make money.”
“I’m good at real estate. Anyone would be grateful to have what I have, so I should stick to what I know.”
“I have to be productive. I can’t take a trip.”
“I have to say yes. Someone needs me.”
“I can’t say no, even though I am exhausted or uninterested. I would hurt someone’s feelings.”
“I have to get a job or take one of these real estate listings. I am being such a lazy bum sitting around my house all day reading.”
All of this shit passed through my mind on a daily basis for the past year. I would think I was over it and would start down the path of making a decision for my own happiness then, BOOM; a self imposed limiting belief would enter the picture and tell me I can’t do what makes me happy because it is selfish.
I don’t have it all figured out yet, that is for sure. What I do have figured out is:
I can change my mind.
I don’t have to be perfect.
My worth is not based on what I do for a living, or what I am good at.
It is ok to relax and not have an insanely intense goal to chase.
It is also ok to have an insanely intense goal to chase, if I choose.
Joy is the roadmap to a happy life.
Joy is everywhere; and right here.
America is great. We are incredibly privileged to live here.
It is ok to quit when something no longer serves you, or you made a mistake.
It is ok to say no.
It is ok to say yes.
As I learn to incorporate these new life lessons into my Type A personality profile, I am also playing with a variety of new possibilities for my future. I am going to get Season 2 of Clock Out! The Vicarious Life fired up again. I am going to keep working on my fiction book. I am going to start doing some freelance writing work (only stuff I enjoy and want to do). I am training for a half marathon. I am embracing my title of Stay at Home Dog Mom when people ask me what I do for a living. I have applied for a very competitive PhD program I am still unsure if I would accept if given the chance. We will see what they decide AND what I decide. I bought some cross country skis, so I can find some joy in the upcoming winter months. Finally, I joined a writing club here in Butte that consists of six or seven 75-85 year old retirees.
I’m not sure where I am going but…
for now, I am right where I am supposed to be!
